Let’s start with a Whole Lotta Awesome. During a recent segment on '60 Minutes' Australia, Led Zeppelin frontman Robert Plant hinted the band could reunite in 2014. Just some interesting news to get us going, how cool would it be if they came out with new material!
Both The Daytona 500 & Academy Awards went today. I say they combine traditions in the future. All Oscar winners must turn left when leaving the stage, whoever wins Daytona gets a gold statue of Richard Petty.
A new study reveals pouring sugar on wounds can heal them faster than antibiotics do. I hear this research was done by the good doctors at the Def Leppard School of Medicine...Zing!
Nicolas Cage has purchased a 9-foot Pyramid tomb to be buried in when he dies…of course he has, of course he has.
'Roll Up The Rim' is back at Tim Horton’s, not to be confused of course with 'Win a Rim Job' at Uncle Touchy’s Weirdo Shack….Big difference!
And, a masked 'Spiderman' robbed a Chicago 7-11 this week. Good news, no one was hurt. The creepy news I hear he tried to hang upside down and kiss the guy behind the counter.
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. One of the big Women’s Curling events each year, The Scotties Tournament of Hearts finished today. Ontario’s Rachel Homan defeated Manitoba's Jennifer Jones 9-6 to win the tournament. Wanna know why Women’s Curling gets good ratings?...It's teeming with really attractive women. And, their action on top of the sheets can sound pretty hot too! I investigated this on my show, here's the results:
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
These Are The Things I Think About -- Feb11th-17th
Hey Leafs won last night! 3-0 over Ottawa, which is always even sweeter then watching them beat Montreal. Continuing with Leafs news, captain Dion Phaneuf’s fiancé Elisha Cuthbert is taking on another new title. Maxim Magazine has named her the hottest woman on TV. Dion I hear also named hockey player with “angry game face closest resembling Frankenstein”. I smell Munsters remake reality show.
One of the pioneers of Rock & Roll, Chubby Checker is headed to court. He is suing over a computer app. Why?, the app is used to measure penis size, and, yes this is true, it is called the “Chubby Checker”…Gold!, I’ll pause so you can continue laughing.
--That joke just writes itself, however I will add: I hear Chubby has a follow up lawsuit regarding how the app actually works. Apparently instructions say a “Twist & Shout” might be necessary to get the right measurement, ouch!--
Maybe you had your chubby checked this week; The big day of romance & gettin’ it on, Valentine’s Day was Thursday. Now, I offer some tips for ladies on what to do with flowers you received. Trim bouquet stems before putting them in water. And, for dried flowers use professional products on them, then hang them upside down…the exact same thing to do with your husband if he didn’t get you anything! ;-) You’re welcome ladies, that one’s for you
No matter your thoughts on Valentines Day, you’ve got to give a thumbs up to this. A New York City bakery was offering Bacon Banana Bread & Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies for sale on V-Day this year…Bacon Banana Bread, oh baby. To anyone who would make me some, will you be my Valentine!
Finally, an online auction featuring the record collection of the late Joey Ramone is underway. In addition to his records, other personal items like clothes, handwritten lyrics, and his passport are up for grabs. If you are a big Ramones fan all you gotta be thinking now is “Hey! Ho! Let’s Go”, online and check out this auction...Zing!
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. Happy birthday to Matt Groening, best known as the creator of The Simpsons, he turned 59 Friday. The Simpsons is hands down the best written television show of all time. If you disagree I will fight you! And, in an exclusive I spoke to Matt & he told me all about his Birthday, and Valentine’s Day, celebration plans: (14 seconds in)
-Ha!
P.S.S.—I finally bit the bullet & joined Twitter, @GenuineGilmore if you’re interested.
One of the pioneers of Rock & Roll, Chubby Checker is headed to court. He is suing over a computer app. Why?, the app is used to measure penis size, and, yes this is true, it is called the “Chubby Checker”…Gold!, I’ll pause so you can continue laughing.
--That joke just writes itself, however I will add: I hear Chubby has a follow up lawsuit regarding how the app actually works. Apparently instructions say a “Twist & Shout” might be necessary to get the right measurement, ouch!--
Maybe you had your chubby checked this week; The big day of romance & gettin’ it on, Valentine’s Day was Thursday. Now, I offer some tips for ladies on what to do with flowers you received. Trim bouquet stems before putting them in water. And, for dried flowers use professional products on them, then hang them upside down…the exact same thing to do with your husband if he didn’t get you anything! ;-) You’re welcome ladies, that one’s for you
No matter your thoughts on Valentines Day, you’ve got to give a thumbs up to this. A New York City bakery was offering Bacon Banana Bread & Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies for sale on V-Day this year…Bacon Banana Bread, oh baby. To anyone who would make me some, will you be my Valentine!
Finally, an online auction featuring the record collection of the late Joey Ramone is underway. In addition to his records, other personal items like clothes, handwritten lyrics, and his passport are up for grabs. If you are a big Ramones fan all you gotta be thinking now is “Hey! Ho! Let’s Go”, online and check out this auction...Zing!
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. Happy birthday to Matt Groening, best known as the creator of The Simpsons, he turned 59 Friday. The Simpsons is hands down the best written television show of all time. If you disagree I will fight you! And, in an exclusive I spoke to Matt & he told me all about his Birthday, and Valentine’s Day, celebration plans: (14 seconds in)
-Ha!
P.S.S.—I finally bit the bullet & joined Twitter, @GenuineGilmore if you’re interested.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
These Are The Things I Think About -- Feb4th-10th
55th annual Grammy Awards are tonight. Leading up to the show CBS has issued a ‘Wardrobe Advisory’ to presenters & performers, essentially banning any bare skin. After last weekend’s Superbowl blackout, perhaps having the lights on during the whole show should be first priority instead.
A hacker has accessed the email accounts of former UPresident George H.W. Bush. Oddly the bulk of the emails found were back and forth messages between him and wife Barbara. Turns out they’ve been betting each other for years on which stupid thing their son George W would say next.
A Boston construction worker is lucky to be alive after he fell 30 feet. Fortunately he landed on a pile of bubble wrap. Scary for him, yes, but admit it. Jumping into a giant pile of bubble wrap would be pretty awesome!…By the way, is it possible to open something covered in bubble wrap and not pop some?, I can’t ;-)
Only in limited theatres, but still cool “Top Gun” has just been released in IMAX 3D. That sound you hear now is 40 year old women & gay men everywhere rushing to see the volleyball scene.
Funniest headline I read all week. “Man finds a tooth in his Sausage”...Ouch!, not sayin’ I’m just sayin’, but I think his lady may have done something wrong for that to happen.
Useless fact: facebook turned 9 on Monday. Ah, remember the old days when your mom wasn’t on it, or Gramma, or the Neighbours cat. Oh 2004, to be with you again.
Two students at a California High School lost fingers in a game of tug-of-war. A: Really?!, how do you mess up tug-of-war that bad? B: I hear it got weird at the end when they won and had to high 4 each other...Zing!
Finally, we have Astronauts in Space, (Canadian Chris Hadfield is doing an phenomenal job at the international space station isn’t he!), we’ve had Muppets in Space for goodness sakes. Now prepare yourself for ‘Porn Stars in Space’. Porn actress Honey Love, is now training in the Netherlands to become the first porno star in zero gravity. I will forgo all the bad Space related porn movie titles, instead I give you this: As for filming a porno in space, I hear the hardest part is getting a pizza delivery guy to stop by for the opening scene!
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. Just a little note to all other NHL fans. The Toronto Maple Leafs hammered Montreal 6-0 last night. The Leafs actually played a solid game, and a win over the Canadiens is icing on the cake. That scenario us a rarity, so please let us enjoy just this one before hating on cheering fans, thanks!…And a cool nugget for Leafs fans, 37 years ago this past Thursday was Darryl Sittler’s 10 point night.
A hacker has accessed the email accounts of former UPresident George H.W. Bush. Oddly the bulk of the emails found were back and forth messages between him and wife Barbara. Turns out they’ve been betting each other for years on which stupid thing their son George W would say next.
A Boston construction worker is lucky to be alive after he fell 30 feet. Fortunately he landed on a pile of bubble wrap. Scary for him, yes, but admit it. Jumping into a giant pile of bubble wrap would be pretty awesome!…By the way, is it possible to open something covered in bubble wrap and not pop some?, I can’t ;-)
Only in limited theatres, but still cool “Top Gun” has just been released in IMAX 3D. That sound you hear now is 40 year old women & gay men everywhere rushing to see the volleyball scene.
Funniest headline I read all week. “Man finds a tooth in his Sausage”...Ouch!, not sayin’ I’m just sayin’, but I think his lady may have done something wrong for that to happen.
Useless fact: facebook turned 9 on Monday. Ah, remember the old days when your mom wasn’t on it, or Gramma, or the Neighbours cat. Oh 2004, to be with you again.
Two students at a California High School lost fingers in a game of tug-of-war. A: Really?!, how do you mess up tug-of-war that bad? B: I hear it got weird at the end when they won and had to high 4 each other...Zing!
Finally, we have Astronauts in Space, (Canadian Chris Hadfield is doing an phenomenal job at the international space station isn’t he!), we’ve had Muppets in Space for goodness sakes. Now prepare yourself for ‘Porn Stars in Space’. Porn actress Honey Love, is now training in the Netherlands to become the first porno star in zero gravity. I will forgo all the bad Space related porn movie titles, instead I give you this: As for filming a porno in space, I hear the hardest part is getting a pizza delivery guy to stop by for the opening scene!
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. Just a little note to all other NHL fans. The Toronto Maple Leafs hammered Montreal 6-0 last night. The Leafs actually played a solid game, and a win over the Canadiens is icing on the cake. That scenario us a rarity, so please let us enjoy just this one before hating on cheering fans, thanks!…And a cool nugget for Leafs fans, 37 years ago this past Thursday was Darryl Sittler’s 10 point night.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
These Are The Things I Think About -- Jan 28th-Feb3rd
It’s Superbowl Sunday. And a tough reminder from NFL history, it’s been 19 years since the Buffalo Bills lost their 4th straight Superbowl appearance, in a row. This is notable as a rare sports story even worse then the Leafs Stanley Cup drought.
The end of an era, the series finale of 30 Rock aired on Thursday. It was a very fine finale I might add, well done 30 Rock, you will be missed…Anywho, in tribute, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream has created a 30 Rock flavour. My suggestion for a name: “Good God Lemon, this is good!”, not bad right?!…Ben & Jerry’s went with the very fittingly “Liz Lemon”, it’s a lemon Greek frozen yogurt with a blueberry and lavender swirl.
Barbara Walters has been hospitalized with Chicken Pox; she never got the illness as a kid. My guess, look for Chicken Pox to be featured later this year in her “10 most fascinating illnesses of 2013”…Who will be the surprise number one?!
Pornstar Ron Jeremy suffered an aneurysm and rushed himself to hospital this week. I hear it was quite the situation when he arrived. They got him out of his clothes and on a bed, nurses were working on him all over, the whole time reassuring him “it’ll be ok, we'll take care of your buldge. Just tell us where it hurts, we’ll make it better”…You know, kind of like an opening scene to many of his movies.
Get this, 9 former “American Idol” contestants are suing the show, alleging racism. I too want to sue American Idol, not for racism though, but because it sucks and is ruining music. Admit it, my case is looking stronger then those contestants’ does!
A 19 year-old girl in Sherbrooke Nova Scotia (pronounced: Narva Scartia in your head of course, ha!) recently fell asleep in a McDonald's drive-thru. Turns out she was passed out drunk. Rightfully so, the cops were called. I hear when they arrived they served her a McDUI.
And finally, more Mcs & Macs from Scotland (technically it’s Old Scotia, or Scotia is it not?…wow, look at us, learning some history). To increase the number of people borrowing books, a library in Scotland is now offering users free pole-dancing classes. Sounds hot right! A sassy librarian jumping up on stage strutting her stuff. But let’s remember, this is Scotland, any guys could be wearing kilts...Hey MacDonald, I can see your Caber!
-Gilmore
--Oh, P.S. It’s no cousin Eddie for Canada. Announced this week, Canadian immigration officials have denied actor Randy Quaid's request for permanent resident status. This of course gives a perfect excuse to share a Cousin Eddie classic!, enjoy:
The end of an era, the series finale of 30 Rock aired on Thursday. It was a very fine finale I might add, well done 30 Rock, you will be missed…Anywho, in tribute, Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream has created a 30 Rock flavour. My suggestion for a name: “Good God Lemon, this is good!”, not bad right?!…Ben & Jerry’s went with the very fittingly “Liz Lemon”, it’s a lemon Greek frozen yogurt with a blueberry and lavender swirl.
Barbara Walters has been hospitalized with Chicken Pox; she never got the illness as a kid. My guess, look for Chicken Pox to be featured later this year in her “10 most fascinating illnesses of 2013”…Who will be the surprise number one?!
Pornstar Ron Jeremy suffered an aneurysm and rushed himself to hospital this week. I hear it was quite the situation when he arrived. They got him out of his clothes and on a bed, nurses were working on him all over, the whole time reassuring him “it’ll be ok, we'll take care of your buldge. Just tell us where it hurts, we’ll make it better”…You know, kind of like an opening scene to many of his movies.
Get this, 9 former “American Idol” contestants are suing the show, alleging racism. I too want to sue American Idol, not for racism though, but because it sucks and is ruining music. Admit it, my case is looking stronger then those contestants’ does!
A 19 year-old girl in Sherbrooke Nova Scotia (pronounced: Narva Scartia in your head of course, ha!) recently fell asleep in a McDonald's drive-thru. Turns out she was passed out drunk. Rightfully so, the cops were called. I hear when they arrived they served her a McDUI.
And finally, more Mcs & Macs from Scotland (technically it’s Old Scotia, or Scotia is it not?…wow, look at us, learning some history). To increase the number of people borrowing books, a library in Scotland is now offering users free pole-dancing classes. Sounds hot right! A sassy librarian jumping up on stage strutting her stuff. But let’s remember, this is Scotland, any guys could be wearing kilts...Hey MacDonald, I can see your Caber!
-Gilmore
--Oh, P.S. It’s no cousin Eddie for Canada. Announced this week, Canadian immigration officials have denied actor Randy Quaid's request for permanent resident status. This of course gives a perfect excuse to share a Cousin Eddie classic!, enjoy:
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