The Sloppy 5: December 2020

Hey it’s been a while. Gotta start somewhere right?! Welcome to the Sloppy 5. 

Here’s a recap of what’s been going on in December so far. And, some bad jokes to go with it. 

First up, Hanukkah is just wrapping up. For the Jewish, just over a week of annual festive celebrations, for the non-Jewish, just over a week of annual figuring out if it’s spelled with an H or C. 

Christmas is quickly approaching and there's a new book out about the baby owl found in the New York City Christmas Tree, "Rockefeller, the Christmas Owl." My family is doing the same, with what’s traditionally found under our tree. Look for “Drunk Uncle, the Christmas Ruiner” where you buy your books. 

A Zoo in Ohio has discovered it’s home to Tasmanian Devils that glow. Once you are able to travel again, be sure to go check them out at Toledo’s famous ‘Former Nuclear disaster site Zoo’ 

History tidbit, in 2004 PEI’s only nudist colony opened. I looked into it, the place is called Oasis Resort. I’m a little disappointed, I would have gone with Anne of Green Navels. 

Sir Sean Connery’s official cause of death is out. Sighting pneumonia, heart failure, and plain old age; he died in his sleep in the middle of the night on Halloween. They did try shaking him, he never stirred. 

Strange yet true, these were the winning numbers in South Africa’s national lottery earlier this month: 5-6-7-8-9-10. Also, ‘Password’ is South Africa’s most secure login.

The Queen's dog has died. Named Vulcan, they translated the dog’s last bark: 'Live long and prosper' 

For the first time in 70 years IKEA is going to stop publishing both the print and digital versions of their annual catalog. First it was the doogeldowger desk, now this decision. I’ll never put anything IKEA does together. 

It’s official, the 2024 Paris Olympic Games will include 4 new sports breakdancing, surfing, skateboarding and rock climbing*. Word is medals for these events will be Gold, Silver, and Bronze, Red Bull Cans. 

 

Not that you want any, I gotta put them somewhere though. Here’s some bad COVID jokes: 

China is urging all its flight attendants to wear diapers, rather than use the airplane bathrooms, potentially contaminated with COVID by passengers. This the one time you do want to get COVID and lose your sense of smell. 

Audio has leaked of Tom Cruise yelling at the crew on the set of "Mission: Impossible 7," over social distancing. The Ghost of L Ron Hubbard told him to do it. Up next the ghost of Christmas present visits, then the ghost of Christmas future. 

COVID restrictions were behind Belgian police shutting down a 50-person cross-border sex party recently. The best part of a Belgian sex party, the waffles the next morning. Hardest part, figuring out how to say your safe word, and, maple syrup in Flemish. 

Just under a quarter million COVID vaccine doses are to arrive in Canada by the end of the year. I'lll take world’s strangest stocking stuffers for $800 

BTW, I'm stilling stand by my spring prediction, for 2020 everyone’s getting an orange mask at the bottom of their stocking this year. 

One advantage of all this mask wearing no one will admit. Kinda nice walking out of a store in winter and not having your face feeling like its freezing off instantly isn't it?!

-Gilmore

 

-- Oh P.S. *-I find it fascinating these new additions to the Olympics are 4 sports you’d easily be fined for doing 20-30 years ago. Interesting how times change. 

Also, if Russia is able to compete, my money is on Russian Dancers medaling in breakdancing.