Father’s Day was today. From myself, a salute to all the Dads out there! And what does Dad love?, a good deal. If you were near an IKEA today you should have stopped in with him. IKEA offered free breakfast for Dads this morning. Being IKEA, you needing Dad’s skills & an Allen wrench to assemble it first, may have been a possibility.
And Florida man was recently using the bathroom at a McDonald's when he was robbed of his jewelry, cell phone and $100. I hear they left his meal alone though, so at least Officer Big Mac can rule out the Hamburglar.
Are you a “Game of Thrones” fan. It’s set an interesting record. The Season 3 finale has just become the ‘Most Pirated TV Episode of All-Time’. Gazallions of people have been downloading it. Having never seen the show myself, I do hear fightin’ & boobies are what it’s all about. So yeah this explains all the downloads. Maybe they should re-name it to "Game of Thongs"?!
Speaking of gitch. A Canadian woman and her teenage daughter have been caught trying to cross the border with 59 thousand dollars hidden in their bras. I’m thinking: A. Them using the “we just got off shift at the strip club” defence. B. I hear the border agent who found money in the bras described it as an uplifting experience…Boo, that was bad. Or C. --Got this from a comment on a CBC article--..I hear the bra money ladies were described as being “strapped for cash”. –Zing! (wonder if Rex Murphy wrote that one?)
Say yes to a next cup of coffee. A German banker recently fell asleep at his desk. His face rested on his keyboard where he hit a few buttons, accidentally transferring $311 million out of the bank. A nice surprise to the account holder on the other end I’m sure…Holy Volkswagen!, said German Robin. --That’s right old chum. You just read a completely unrelated, and unnecessary, German to Automotive to 60s Batman reference. You're welcome. Didn't think you'd do that when you woke up this morning did ya?!
A new survey says 80% of women are convinced men will never stop being childish. Yep, pretty much nails it. Oh, by the way, Insert HUGE fart noise here: hehehe….Fact: farts are funny!
And what Canadian is the most trustworthy. Answer, Who is Alex Trebek. Alex sits in 8th position of Reader’s Digests 100 most trustworthy people in America list. A little useless fact for you. You know incase you end up on Jeopardy one day.
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. Yep, this exists. Here’s your latest heart attack special. The ‘Krispy Kreme Sloppy Joe’ (with cheese) --Of course it’s got cheese…’Merica!--. A Donut Sloppy Joe. No middle ground on this one. This would either be really good, or really disgusting:
Starting where I live, Timmins. One of the city’s most famous former residents, Shania Twain, just got a quirky award. A Smitty Award for most “Innovative Use of Scent Marketing”, for utilizing scent machines during her current Vegas show. Award for worst scent during a show, the Q92 studio after Taco Bell lunch day.
To my “Only In America File”, too awesome, and, too wrong, not to mention. Dunkin' Donuts in the US is launching a new product. The Donut Bacon Sandwich. Yep, you read that right. Fried eggs & bacon in between a sliced glazed donut…I’m thinking just like hockey arenas Dunkin' Donuts should start having defibrillators on site!
The Rob Ford scandal continues. I’m sure you heard, his alleged video has disappeared. I guess it fell through the crack.
Speaking crack & shady situations, Lindsay Lohan is upset her parents are making money off her rehab stint. What?!, the Lohans are upset with each other, while doing something sleazey. Well I never!…Ring Ring, this Pot calling Keetle, "you’re black"
Kardashian fans were excited as the sex of Kim and Kanye West’s baby was recently revealed. If you missed it, no surprise, they are having a douchebag. Well actually a douchebagette.
Marking his debut in 1934, Sunday was official “Donald Duck Day”. Giving a perfect chance to once again share one of my favourite useless facts: Donald Duck cartoons are banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants. True story. And on that logic I guess my radio show would be banned in Finland too.
Fashion nugget. Sarah Jessica Parker is launching her own line of shoes. I hear they are called Horse Shoes...Ouch huh?, seem a little harsh to you? Please, as I've mentioned before, send your letters of hate to Ryan Crits...I don’t want them.
From my “Only in Hong Kong” files, which, really we should visit more often. A 66 year-old man recently went to the doctor and discovered he was a woman. How do you not notice that.
And, one to add to the lexicon. The French language has never had a word for French Kissing. Until now, Galocher (Gaw-law-shay) is the new official word. Seriously, this is legit; I’m not being tongue in cheek, or mouth for that matter, about it at all.
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. A charity soccer game between amputees ended in a brawl early last week. The fight started when one amputee tripped another with his crutch. I think Southpark said this one best:
Confirmed, Larry King will host a political talk show beginning next month. It will air in Russia. And, this totally sets up a Yakov Smirnoff joke…In Soviet Russia, News tells you about Larry King.
Here is your latest Penta-fecta of stupidity. A man in New Mexico is facing several charges after he was: Having sex with a woman in a car, while he was driving, and he was drunk, and he crashed the car, and the girl was thrown from the vehicle. Naked, he tried to hide from Police in a Cactus…Ouch!
A movie about Hilary Clinton is in the works. Several actresses have been mentioned to play the role of a young Hilary, including Reese Witherspoon, and Scarlett Johansson. I hear Bill Clinton has already stated he is willing to spend as much time as possible with these women. You know to help them prepare for the part. Bet he can’t wait for the intern role auditions!
Here’s an odd Life reflecting Art scenario. On the season finale of the Simpsons, Marge visited fake dating website SassyMadison.com. In turn real life adultery website AshleyMadison.com has since seen a 230% increase in memberships because of it. Guess that site is making a lot of “D’oh” these days*
On Friday the great Clint Eastwood turned 83. Hands down he is still just as bad ass as his Dirty Harry days. Well almost, nowadays after saying “Go ahead make my day” to punks, he adds “As long as it’s before 3:30. I’ve got a nap scheduled”
Finally, I have to mention this, as it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous. Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s crack scandal. Personally, I don’t really care. However, you gotta have a touch of sympathy for the man and hope at least some of this isn’t true. So with that said, take these jokes as what they are, bad jokes** (it’s what I do, & he's in the news), and not an attack on the man. There is enough people doing that already:
-Tuesday was Rob Ford’s birthday. I felt bad I forgot how old he was. I didn’t know how many crack pipes I needed to put on his birthday cake. -Are the drug dealers in the same boat? Denying the video, and other evidence, suggesting their links to legit business & Rob Ford. -On Thursday the IKEA monkey trial began, Rob Ford also had 2 more staff members resign due to his crack scandal. You know it’s bad when a custody trial over a monkey found wandering an IKEA, is the most logical story coming out of the city of Toronto. -At the rate things are going for him, how long till we see a disheveled Rob Ford aimlessly wandering an IKEA in a fur coat?! -And yes, Toronto news definitely went bananas on Thursday. An Ikea Monkey trial, plus, everybody at the Mayor's Office was splitting –Zing!
-Gilmore
--Oh P.S. * & **-yep, lines so bad it's time to cue David Caruso’s CSI-Miami, sunglasses move/bad cheesey line/The Who’s Yeeeeeaaa! clip…several times:
